The Path To God

The morning dawn was something I had not seen in much time. It painted the sky with its yellows and oranges, transitioning the tranquility of darkness into a crescendo of magnificence. And then it came.

Like the embers of an inferno, the piercing blaze of crimson sparked over the horizon, slowly, carefully. As if to glance over the vastness of the Earth below, it rose with such eloquence, such perfection. And the heart’s ghafla, the soul’s ignorance, its shadows, its obscurities, melted with each passing second.

To have been humbled would be an understatement. To have been in awe would have been demeaning. No amount of praise, no amount of glorification, and no amount of thankfulness could have been uttered for these few minutes of sheer beauty. The quivers of my heart sent chills down my spine, trembling at the sight of such impeccable grace.

It was as if I had been wandering in a dream these last twenty-two years, changing, learning, understanding. All of these experiences leading up to this one moment, this one final epiphany.

“Blessed is He in Whose Hand is The Dominion, and He is Able to do all things.”

“It is He Who has created death and life, in that He may test those of you and see which of you is most virtuous in your deeds. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Forgiving.”

“He who created seven heavens in layers. You do not see in the creation of the Most Merciful any inconsistency. So return [your] vision [to the sky]; do you see any faults?”

“Then return [your] vision once again. [Your] vision will return to you humbled while it is fatigued.”

It is known that Allah is the Lord of the realm, everything from the Earth through each heaven encompassing the entire universe and beyond is in His control. There is nothing Allah cannot do, and there is nothing in existence which Allah does not have knowledge about.

The most humbling experience in life can be found in death. Attending the funeral of your fellow brothers and sisters, or even your own kin, can have drastic implications on an individual, deepening their love, affection, and submission to The Most High.

As I stood there at my grandmother’s grave just a few days ago, making dua for her before her inevitable questioning, it was almost as if I was shedding the skin of a boy who only understood the world the way he wanted to. A boy who only understood the world on a superficial level with each word that passed his lips. A boy who felt as though he understood how the world worked, how his religion worked, and how his beliefs should be. Simple, naive, selfish.

It was in this moment, when nothing in the world mattered more to him than the person six feet below, that he let go in every sense of the word. Emotionally, mentally, as if his own soul was being torn from his body. Physically unwavering, with his hands held out to the One in control of all things, forms of mercy streaming down his cheeks. To some he would have seemed as a statue in the midst of prayer, but inside, an entirely new form began to take shape.

It was in this moment, that a realization had come into existence, one that had only seen the surface of such a notion, but had never truly experienced the depth of such words. It was here, where a promise was made, a promise to the Lord of all things, a promise that his soul will carry until the day it finally meets with its Maker.

To hold to the Rope of Allah, to cling to it with every fiber, every inch, and every part of who he is as His slave and His servant. To fall before Him in complete and utter obedience and awe. To only linger in that which He has allowed, and avoid beyond all doubt what He has forbidden. To earn His Love, and fear His anger. To worship Him and thank Him as He should be thanked, and to plead Him to grant purpose and reason within every breath of air he takes. 

And with this promise, he left the place where his ancestors now lay. From the rising of the sun to its setting, and the light of the moon in the night sky, verily Allah is the changer of all hearts.

The place where I made an eternal tie of loyalty, and became something else entirely.

I came as a boy, and left as a slave of Allah.